Maybe they were right

I guess there might be some correlation between doubting your faith and becoming miserable.
I can see how this can be told as an example to those who still believe.

I used to think that someone with faith can never doubt, because something so true cannot be confused. I rejected the examples I was told, because once the Truth is found, it cannot be lost, and those who have lost their faith must have never really been faithful.

Honestly, I never feel more worthless than when I observe the similarity of humans to animals, when I think of intelligence as simply an added useful thing. And I have never felt more secure than when I saw humans and animals as completely different. When Heaven gave every reason to be alive, and Hell gave every reason to be good.

I prayed, not expecting an answer, but for the general good. I was the only animal in a room full of blessed beings, and I was envious. I felt expelled like the Devil.

Late at home, my eyes red from the lack of sleep. I do feel like the devil. But I am human and I am weak, and if you exist and if you have any mercy then I beg you to be merciful.

 

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One thought on “Maybe they were right

  1. You’ve put the cart before the horse. If you are miserable, you will begin to doubt your faith, because ‘Man’s Religion’ tells you that if your belief is strong enough, everything will be peachy keen. God’s plan doesn’t work that way. There will be trials.

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