As the night begins, I descend.
My comfortable place is below that of a human, but it’s comfortable.
As I enter, the walls start to dance. I feel light, and smile at the dancing walls.
I tire myself dancing, and then I start to regain my mind.
Eventually, I start to remember. Not the terrible memories anymore, but the one complex inhumane feeling they evoke.
I remember that I’m comfortable, but I am below the place of a human.
How long has it been? I can’t tell, but there are so many empty bottles.
Are there more bottles than ugly memories? I can’t tell, but there are enough memories to want to be absent-minded, and enough bottles to be absent-minded tonight.
I stayed one day more than I originally planned, but at the end of the day, it felt short. I think if I stayed there for as long as I live it would still feel short.
What has an end is short.
I have read that the last step of growth is accepting your mistakes, and I might have grown. If I didn’t do every mistake that I have done, I wouldn’t be me. Even if I was reincarnated many times, I will still commit every one of them again. This self, this entity, it could only exist here today as a result of exactly the life that I have lived.
Maybe I think I have grown because I visit home every few months. To them, nothing in the house changes. But to me, I am able to see how they all keep growing, and I am also reminded of how I grew.
The walls. The dusty books that I have once read. My trophies and awards that stopped as a certain date as if I disappeared.
And, though I try, I cannot ignore noticing our growth in our faces and bodies.
Growth, or getting closer to ending the short journey, is the only reason I think I should come back here to stay. But I also remember every reason I had as a teenager to be independent. Many of those reasons are still valid today.
At the end of this short day, I think I have to apologize to just one person. My dear sister, of two years or younger. I’ve been away for so long that I recognize you better from your picture. I have no excuse but to say that I wish the future would be long, and that I hope you will live long and know that I love you.