This is too much caffeine, and you’re probably too awake.
And you are probably more aware than a human ever needs to be.
They say it is a bliss to be able to forget, but I remember.
And they say it’s not good to overthink, but I still wonder.
I see the sun rising, and she seems late when I see her rise.
But she’s not late, and she’s never been.
She rises, as she has risen for thousands of years.
I wonder, will I be as nonexistent in a thousand years as the people who have died a thousand years ago?
Did any of them ask the same question?
When I was younger I was most grateful for simply existing. How unfortunate would it have been if people went to heaven and hell while I had no story? How unfortunate would it have been to be above clouds far from people and stories and issues and youth and old age?
I remember when I read about the scientist who wished he’d never existed, and I remember being shocked at how anyone could wish that.I guess my growth as a person can be summarized by how today I understand deeply why anyone would wish he had never existed.