My loneliness made me feel the length of nights,
and my conscience made me notice their gloominess,
and in a night as long and gloomy as tonight, I find myself surrounded by the most hideous of memories.
Was I good until I made mistakes, or were those mistakes simply an expression of a deficiency that was always within me?
Should I hope that I would enjoy the sunlight tomorrow?
Or should I fear that it would make my inherent flaws more visible to me and to everyone?
People have warned me of falling into pits.
Because falling requires only lack of care and lack of attention, and then gravity will push you towards the molten center of the earth.
But rising and climbing the mountains is a conscious and constant effort to ascend level after level.
Although they have warned me, I was careless and I was inattentive.
I have fallen into a pit and I do not see its bottom. No care and attention can save me now. And as my speed increases, I wonder how much more violent my final collision will be.
I hear the voices of the few loved ones calling me from the top, but it becomes harder to hear them with every second.
I wonder if they have given up on calling for me, or if I am too far down to hear them.
I am sorry. I do not know to whom I apologize, and I do not know why, but this, all of this, is truly unfortunate.
I remember my childhood, and I imagine that I was a child when I started falling.
Maybe my apology is to that child that loved life and aspired to climb the highest of mountains.
I am sorry. I have disappointed you.